Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Back to Reality

Everyone said I was going to be the poster child for post wedding blues since I was so deeply entrenched in wedding details. I swore that would not be the case. Yet sometimes in the calmness of all this new found down-time, I quietly find myself freaking out. Wait - am I a victim of PWDS? Post Wedding Depression Syndrome?! ME? NO! But I may have a mildly severe case of withdrawals. Let's examine...

Upon arriving in Maui for our honeymoon, me and the hubs found ourselves at the bookstore looking for a new read since he proudly finished his last book on the plane. As he skimmed the back covers of autobiographies, I wandered off to the forbidden magazine rack. You know what kind of magazines I'm talking about - Bridal Mags! I'm sorry but I can't help it! I am addicted to letter pressed stationery, color palettes, and tales of uncooperative bridesmaids. I didn't buy the magazine, but I [cringe] wrote down a bridal website to check out later.

Our honeymoon was bliss, but the plane ride home was a little disturbing. As I watched Maui disappear beneath the clouds, I thought of all the things I wanted to do when I got home. In fact, I made a list... hunt down wedding photos, re-inventory our wedding items, pick out songs for our wedding video, write wedding thank yous, wedding this, wedding that, check, check, check, check, DONE. Wait - done? Then what will I do?! Mark looks over at what I'm writing, sees the panic in my eyes, and pulls out the peanut m&ms. The daunting thoughts slip far from my mind, at least momentarily.

I arrive home and check my email, expecting there to be an overwhelming amount since I hadn't checked it in over a week. But the emails I was expecting weren't there. Neither were all the calls I had anticipated in my first week as a newlywed. Hello out there?! I'm back! Where is everyone??? Then it hit me. It hit me like a freight train..... I am no longer a bride to be. No one is calling me to see how I'm feeling or what I'm working on. My 15 seconds of fame and glory... over. WAAAAAA!!! HAHAHA I know that sounds depressing, pathetic, and shallow but it is actually kind of comical to me the way the whole cycle works. And its even more funny learning that I had fallen victim to it!
As with every addiction, there is always some sort of lull after a high, a state of nostalgia. Think about it... as a bride you spend months (years) planning your weddings and during that time there were lavish celebrations in your honor, people were extra sensitive about your feelings, your very best friends even elected to wear monogrammed robes with your initials on it. It is the one time in your adult life where blowing up pictures of you and your honey is not ridiculed (well, not to your face) or viewed as narcissistic or creepy.
Oh yes, it was good times :)

I thought that post wedding blues/withdrawals had something or everything to do with not being happy with your new married life but I discovered that's not it at all. I think what is plaguing me is the absence of strategically planned tasks and the sudden freedom of time. And ya know, its not like I have LOADS of free time, but there are moments where there is nothing that needs to be done right then. Those moments are so awkwardly foreign to me. And its not even like I don't have anything to do. But finishing 3 loads of laundry, bathing the dog, and organizing the medicine cabinets is not really as satisfying or rewarding as flawlessly embossing your RSVP cards or discovering the joy of satin charmeuse fabric! whatever.

Point of the story - I am back to reality. And I am not a bride anymore. BUT - I am a wife ;) And that, my friends, is a completely different high.... one that lasts not a moment short of forever. And it doesn't hurt either to have someone who, everyday, throws his own mini celebration in your honor ♥

Cheers to the narcissists in us :)

[ Left: At our rehearsal dinner ] [ Right: Posing with our marriage license. ]


Lyca said...

I sooo know what you're talking about!!! Wedding planning withdrawals!! I'm trying to get my cousin to let me "help" her plan her wedding :)...

Catherine Tang said...

i felt the same thing for about 2 months. i relived the moments in my mind over and over again everyday. i think i've finally made it over the hump and am no longer withdrawn. AND i love being married...the whole point of the wedding in the first place.

nita said...

ditto! I def. went through withdrawal as well! no more crazy emails from other brides or vendors...nothing it just stopped. it takes time to get back to normal and go about the day to day things. :)

Rachel said...

you crack me up. i still find myself thumbing through wedding mags too. sometimes i'll see something and go dang! i should have done that. but yes, being married is the best part!